第一篇：幽默英语演讲稿
love your mother
爱你的母亲
why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?
你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.
"because i'm a woman," she told him.
因为我是女人,她告诉他.
"i don't understand," he said.
我不明白.他回答
his mom just hugged him and said,
"and you never will, but that's o.k.".......
妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."
later the little boy asked his father,
"why does mom seem to cry for no reason?".
后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?"
"all women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say......
"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...
the little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,
他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.
finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked "god, why do women cry so easily?"
最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"
god answered......
上帝回答:
"when i made woman,
i decided she had to be special.
i made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
"当我创造女人的时候,
我决定把她造的很特别,
我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,
却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...
i gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.
我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛,
也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害,
甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...
i gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....
我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进,
并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,
甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,
她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...
i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. even when her child has hurt her badly....
she has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．
她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．
i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．．
i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．
for all of this hard work,
i also gave her a tear to shed.
it is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
when you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
因为这些种种的困难，
我也同样赐她流下眼泪，
这是当她在需要时可以使用的，
这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．
当你看到她哭泣的时候，
告诉她你有多么地爱她，
告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，
即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，
但你会使她的心里得到安慰．
she is special!
please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.
她是独特的！
请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．
but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．
每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松．
love your mother always
永远爱你的母亲，
and keep her smiling
并且使她微笑常在
第二篇：新初中幽默英语演讲稿
新初中幽默英语演讲稿
love your mother
爱你的母亲
why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?
你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.
"because i'm a woman," she told him.
因为我是女人,她告诉他.
"i don't understand," he said.
我不明白.他回答
his mom just hugged him and said,
"and you never will, but that's o.k.".......
妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."
later the little boy asked his father,
"why does mom seem to cry for no reason?".
后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?"
"all women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say......
"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...
the little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,
他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.
finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked "god, why do women cry so easily?"
最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"
god answered......
上帝回答:
"when i made woman,
i decided she had to be special.
i made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
"当我创造女人的时候,
我决定把她造的很特别,
第三篇：七年级五班英语幽默故事大赛演讲稿
七年级五班英语幽默故事大赛演讲稿
do you like stories?
i want to tell you a true story.
it happened to a friend of mine a year ago.
while my friend ,george, was reading in bed, two thieves climbed into his kitchen.
after they had entered the house,
they went into the dining room.
it was very dark,
so they turned on a torch.
suddenly, they heard a voice behind them. ‘what’s up? what’s up?’someone called. the thieves dropped the torch
and ran away as quickly as they could.
george heard the noise
and came downstairs quickly.
he turned on the light,
but he couldn’t see anyone.
the thieves had already gone.
but george’s parrot, henry, was still there. ‘what’s up, george?’he called.
‘nothing, henry.’george said and smiled. ‘go back to sleep.’
第四篇：幽默英语
英语幽默对话buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）女:actually i'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱.)
经典对话二：
男：can i have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：why? don't you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？） 经典对话三：
男：i'm a photographer. i've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：i'm a plastic surgeon. i've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 经典对话五：
男：haven't i seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：yes. that's why i don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：will you go out with me this saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）女：sorry. i'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。） 经典对话七：
男：i think i could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：why? are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
第五篇：英语幽默
the insane asylum
late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “i am napoleon.” another one said, “ how do you know?”.
the first inmate said, “god told me!”
just then, a voice from another room shouted, “i did not!”
improvement
one student said to another, “how are your english lessons coming along?”
“fine, i used to be one who couldn’t understand the english men, and now it’s the english men who can’t understand me.”
all except the music
a keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. to make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lomonade, cake, chocs and ices. just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little sally, “have you enjoyed yourself today?”
“oh, yes, miss” said sally, “it was lovely. all except the music, that is.”
half or five tenths
teacher: would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
gerad: i would much rather have the half.
teacher: think carefully and tell me why.
gerad: because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
the reason for being late
teacher: why are you late for school every morning?
jonny: because every time i get to the corner, a guidepost says, “ school-----go slowly”.
when do people talk least?
st a: when do people talk least?
st b: in february.
st a: why?
st b: because february is the shortest month in a year.
plural form of child
t: what’s the plural form of “man”?
s: it’s “men”,.
t:goodand the plural of “child”?
s: twins.
my sister’s fingers
t: why are you late this time?
s: please sir, i bruised two fingers knocking a nail at home.
t: i don’t see any bandages.
s: oh, they weren’t my fingers! i told my little sister to hold the nail.
what is the climate of new zealand
t: what’s the climateof new zealand?
s:very cold, sir.
t:wrong.
s: but, sir! when they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
lightening
t: why the lightening never strike the same place twice?
s: because the stroke place isn’t there any more.
how many rabbits?
t: now, jonathan, if i gave you three rabbits and then the next day i gave five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?
s: nine, sir!
t: nine?
s: i’ve got one already.
to go to heaven
sunday school teacher: hands up all those who want to go to heaven? hands up……what about you,terry? you havent’s got your hand up ----don’t you want to go to heaven?
terry: i can’t. my mum told me to go straight home.
i wasn’t asleep
when a group of women got on the bus, all the seats wear occupied. the conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said, “ wake up, sir!”
“i was not asleep,” said the man.
“not asleep? but you had your eyes closed.”
“i know.i just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car”(本站向您推荐：)
our tails
a lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours and then he started again, and he said , “let me ask the evolutionist a question----if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”
“i’ll venture an answer, ” said an old lady. “we have worn them off sitting here so long.”
the umbrella
a gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall. he put on the handle a card on which was ritten: “this umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up 100 pounds and i shall be back in ten minutes.”
when he came back , he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was ritten: “this card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour , i shall not come back.”
the great event
t: what great event happened in 1809?
s: abraham lincoln was born?
t: right! and what great event happened in 1812?
s: lincoln had his third birthday.
always share!
an old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one coca cola and one portion of french fries. the old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the coda cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife. he devided all the frech fries half-and-half.. he gave half to his wife and kept half for himself. then he began to eat and drink,and the woman just drank but didn’t eat.
there was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn’t have any money. he said to the old couple, “i can buy you one more portion; you don’thave to share like that. ”
the old man explained, “no,no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything. whatever we have, we share half and half. don’t worry, but thank you, anyhow.”
but then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn’t eating, and only the man ate, and he asked, “why aren’t you eating,?” and the wife said, “today it’s his turn to use the teeth.”